I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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