am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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