im gay
i know
yea but for you.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
