It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Randomize
