I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
