you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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