I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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