Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s