I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?