i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
BRING THE BAGELS