there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.