I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Randomize
