Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Randomize
