I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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