I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
