So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
