do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
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