i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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