I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
