Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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