With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
