The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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