I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Randomize
