Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
