those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
