I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
