It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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