After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
