Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
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