just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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