He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
