There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
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