is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
