this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
