I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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