Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
PS: I just woke up from my shower
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
