So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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