i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
