He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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