How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize