K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
