you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize