just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
should my penis look like a turkey
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
