Just cropdusted the office
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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