its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
