You can't motorboat a personality
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
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