the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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