A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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