Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Randomize
