so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
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