woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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