dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Just invented taco cereal.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
