mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
