so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Randomize
