So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
It's shark week go big or go home
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Randomize
