I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
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