pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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