you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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