So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
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I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
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I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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