my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
