Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
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I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
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He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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