so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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