Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
