3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Randomize
