Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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