How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
