we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
