My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
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