The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
