I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
