Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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