well I can't set my house on fire every night
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
