seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
